Breakthrough
by tolfaen
Summary: MARK/DEREK SLASH. "Breakthroughs don't happen because of the medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying." Derek is about to have a completely different kind of breakthrough... Takes place after season 6 finale.
1. Derek Shepherd has been shot

_**AN: I've been reading a few Derek/Mark stories and wasn't quite satisfied so I decided to start my own. This is the first fanfic I've ever written, I'm excited! I'm an English major and have a solid background in creative writing so I don't think I'll be too terrible at this ;) anyway. I love this pairing and I love this show! This takes place directly after the shooting at the end of Season 6. Sorry the first chapter is so short, but believe me there is much more to come. I'll try to update this story with a new chapter at least once a week. Thanks for reviewing! **_

Breakthrough

"_Breakthroughs don't happen because of the _

_medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because _

_someone is scared to death to stop trying."_

Ch. 1 – Derek Shepherd has been shot

Mark's breath caught in his chest. His heart seemed to stop beating for a moment. The whole universe seemed to freeze. Slowly his mind began spinning until he felt out of control. The only thing he could hear was his labored breathing; the rest of the world was silent. He saw movements, flashes of color, people running and yelling all around him, but he heard nothing. He looked down at the blood on his hands and couldn't remember who it belonged to. He looked at the faces around him and couldn't remember their names. Somewhere in the back of his mind he felt hands push him down into a chair and he let himself fall back into it, not even noticing the difference between standing and sitting. All of his senses were completely numb. The one and only thing that existed in his entire world at that moment was the sentence repeating over and over again in his head,

"Derek Shepherd has been shot".

After what seemed like forever, finally other thoughts began running through Mark's mind. First slowly, then gradually more and more thoughts going faster and faster until his head was swarming. _My best friend. - He's my best friend, he's my only friend. - He's the only family, the only person I have left in this world. - What do you mean he's been shot? - Who just walks into a hospital and shoots the chief of surgery? - Who SHOOTS Derek Shepherd? - I'll kill the fucking bastard who did this. - Oh god... Oh my god. - He's my only family! - How bad is it? Does anybody even know? - What the fuck happened! - Is he still alive? - Somebody needs to get in there. - He's my best friend. - Oh Derek… fuck! How could you get shot? - You can't die. - Don't you fucking die on me! - I have nothing without you. _

"MARK! Mark, look at me!" suddenly Mark was snapped out of his thoughts and looking up at the face of Lexie Grey.

"WHAT?" He yelled back at her. She looked frightened but worried.

"Are you ok?" she asked, but as she looked at the expression on his face she realized what a stupid question it was. "Um... the police need to talk to you," she said gently.

"What? Why do they need to talk to me?" Mark asked, still in a daze.

"They need to hear your account of what happened with Alex," she explained.

_Alex?_ Mark thought. The world still didn't make sense to him yet. He looked at his bloody hands again. _Alex Karev. _Suddenly he remembered the man whose life he'd just been fighting to save.

Finally Mark Sloan began to take in his surroundings and let the real world come back to him. He was sitting on a folding chair outside of Seattle Grace Hospital. Lexie was standing in front of him. A few feet away Alex Karev, on a gurney, was being put into an ambulance bound for Mercy West. All around were various hospital staff and police officers, all talking and looking worried. He began to remember all the events of the past few hours. The shooter in the hospital. He looked up at Lexie, who was now staring at the ambulance that was driving away with Alex, tears filling her eyes. Mark felt sympathy for her, but realized he no longer felt any sort of jealousy. He loved Lexie but for some unexplainable reason, it had changed to a different kind of love, because that part of his heart was suddenly shut down to all other people but one, though he himself didn't yet realize who.

He stood up and put his arm around Lexie, who gently leaned her head against him and wiped her eyes.

"He's gonna be ok, Little Grey," Mark said, "We did a good job on him. We _saved_ his life."

"_You_ saved his life, Mark, you did that. I would have been helpless without you," Lexie replied, hugging him close. Mark brought his hand to her back and rubbed it slowly. Any other day, he would have been overjoyed for this kind of contact with Lexie, but now, it was purely a friendship thing. They'd been through something very traumatic together, and would probably always be close because of it, but he knew in that moment that any romantic potential was now completely gone. Mark looked down at her and sighed.

"Let's go talk to the police," he said. She stepped away and nodded, wiping her face again. They headed over to the officer waiting to take their statements.

**_-AN: Ok I know this doesn't fit in EXACTLY with the way things happen and the timeline of events of that episode, etc. I hadn't seen it in a while and couldn't remember. But the point is, it's my story so it's only LOOSELY based on the episode, so deal :P haha. Let me know if you like it so far!_**


	2. You don't get to be God

Breakthrough

"_Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in._

_The human life is made up of choices. _

_Live or die. That's the important choice. _

_And it's not always in our hands."_

Ch. 2 – You don't get to be God

Derek slowly opened his eyes but everything looked fuzzy. He could vaguely make out the face of Doctor April Kepner in front of him. The pain in his chest and the loose-fit feeling of the hospital gown reminded him of where he was and what had happened.

"Um… Meredith went to get something to eat, she should be back soon," April said timidly.

Derek groaned groggily as he took in his surroundings and more of the memories came flooding back to him. As he struggled to get his bearings he heard April mutter something about being sorry for getting him shot.

"By coming out of the office…. I didn't listen and then you got shot…" she said guiltily.

Derek saw the face of Gary Clark in his mind, heard the sound of the gunshot, felt the icy coldness that had consumed his body. His mind flashed back through all the events that had led up to this. Pulling the plug on Mrs. Clark. The meetings with Mr. Clark and the lawyers. Trying to talk him out of killing him.

_-What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here. Somebody has to protect people. From YOU. Handing down judgments, like you're God. YOU DON'T GET TO BE GOD. _

_-Mr. Clark… listen to me. I know your loss. I lost my father. Two guys killed my father for his watch right in front of me. I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to play GOD. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. Look at me. Please, look at me in the eye. I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. We all are. Today I think, for you is just a mistake. You want justice. You want somebody to pay. You're a good man. I can see that in your eyes. Can you see it in mine? Can you?_

_-Dr. Shepherd! Thank god you're back! _

Derek looked up at Dr. Kepner. He could blame her if he wanted. She admitted it, she felt guilty. He might have been successful at talking Gary Clark down if she hadn't burst out and ruined the moment. But Derek knew in his heart she was not to blame. He was more at fault than anyone else could possibly be.

"I got you shot and I just need to say I am so, so sorry," she continued.

"Gary Clark came here for me," Derek uttered weakly. "I gave the order to pull the plug on his wife. I got _everyone_ shot…"

April just sighed and looked at Derek with both admiration and defeat for a few moments.

"Well… that was all I wanted to say. I'll leave you alone now. Meredith should be back soon," she said, getting up. She closed the door softly, leaving Derek alone with his thoughts. _Meredith._ He thought about his wife. The last time he saw her was when he ushered her and Christina Yang into a supply closet to hide from the shooter wandering the hospital. He remembered a few vague moments waking up in this hospital bed, seeing her face, but he was too dazed to remember speaking with her. At least he remembered somebody telling him that he had been saved by an emergency surgery from Christina Yang. At least he knew the people he cared about most were all still alive. _The people I care about most…_ Some faces flew through his mind. He was only slightly aware that one particular face pulled at a string in his heart just a tad bit more than all the rest, and even less aware that it wasn't Meredith's.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and then it slowly opened, revealing Dr. Owen Hunt, Dr. Christina Yang, and at the tail, Dr. Mark Sloan. They entered and filed around the bed.

"Chief Shepherd," Owen said with a nod. "How're you feeling?"

Still in a haze, Derek replied, "Like I've been shot," with a weary smile and gave a bleak laugh. The others smiled back at him but didn't laugh.

"Where's Meredith?" he directed at Christina.

"Um…" Christina looked back and forth between Mark and Owen, all of them remembering the promise not to tell Derek about her miscarriage. "She… decided to get some sleep since she thought you'd still be out for a while."

"Ah. Well… that's good." Derek said. "Christina… I don't know how to thank you enough for…"

"Please. We don't have to talk about it," Christina replied. She looked up at Owen who gazed back at her with love and concern. There was a loaded silence for a few moments.

"Well," Owen finally broke the silence, "we just thought we'd come check on you. I guess we should be heading home… let us know if you need anything," he said to Derek.

"Thank you," Derek said drowsily, and his eyes began to droop wearily once again.

Owen and Christina headed for the door.

"Dr. Sloan?" Owen asked, implying as to whether he was leaving with them.

"Nah I'm gonna stick around for a bit," he replied, with sort of a farewell nod to the couple. Owen nodded back in agreement and Christina waved to Derek as they both left the room, pulling the door shut behind them. Derek opened his eyes again and looked up at the man in front of him.

"Mark."

"Derek."

The two men greeted each other with only their names. Derek was strangely comforted by the fact that Mark was there. And all alone.

Mark pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat down, putting his face at eye level with his best friend.

"How sweet of you to come check up on me," Derek joked with a grin.

"Shut up," Mark retorted. They looked at each other for a moment. Mark dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Actually… this is about the fifth time I've checked up on you so far. You've pretty much been out the whole time," Mark admitted. Derek thought of a few more jokes but decided not to say any of them. He actually felt a little more warmth come over him at the thought of his closest friend checking up on him. He hated Mark for so many things that he'd done, but now it just seemed so pointless to hold on to any of that. The truth was that Mark really was his closest friend, and more like family to him than some of his own sisters. So, instead of a joke, his only reply was a faint smile.

"So... How about you? You didn't get hurt?" Derek asked. Mark leaned back in the chair and let out a sigh.

"No I'm fine. But I did perform an impromptu makeshift surgery on Alex Karev in the conference room, pretty much saved his life" he said with a little smugness. Derek laughed.

"This isn't gonna help your god complex much, is it?" Derek asked jokingly. They smiled and laughed at each other like the old friends they were. Then Derek exhaled slowly and closed his eyes a little bit. He was fighting to stay awake but was still really hazy.

"Do you want me to go? You look really tired…" Mark said. Derek opened his eyes again and looked up at Mark, whose eyes were filled with concern.

"No no, it's ok, you can stay. I can't promise I'll be much of a conversationalist, though," Derek said grimly. Mark turned his chair slightly so that the arms of it lined up with the side of the bed, and he was facing the mounted TV. Grabbing the remote he said,

"Well go right ahead and get some sleep, I'll watch some football," he said with a wide grin. "I bet Meredith will be back here by the time you wake up again…" he added with just the slightest hint of bitterness. Derek didn't catch it, but at the mention of Meredith he became aware that he hadn't even thought about her since Owen and Christina left, and was a little put-off at the fact that he almost didn't care if she wasn't there when he woke up, so long as Mark was still there. _Well, Mark is my family. In times of trauma you cling to your family… -but Meredith is your family now too… -but Mark has been my family my entire life. _Derek's internal debate with himself slowly drifted off has he fell back into a hazy sleep.

Mark Sloan looked at the sleeping figure of the most important person in his life, the person he'd almost thought he'd lost. After a moment he realized how creepy it probably was to be watching him sleep, so he turned his attention back to the TV. _He's like a brother to me… that's why he means so much to me. That's why I was so devastated at the idea of losing him…_ He rationalized to himself. He stole another look at Derek. He looked really pale and exhausted, but strangely beautiful. _Handsome, not beautiful. What is wrong with me?_ He grabbed the remote and switched the channels until he found something with hot girls in it. _I am Mark Fucking Sloan, _he reminded himself, and put his full focus into mentally undressing and screwing every chick on the screen.

_**-AN: Hope you like this so far! I know it's progressing slowly but that's the way I like it, makes it more interesting and last longer! Besides I don't want this story to be about sex, I want it to be about the emotion, the internal struggles and grappling with realizations, etc… I want this to be a story with a more realistic development of feelings than most other stories where they just jump suddenly into bed. Anyway, more chapters to come soon! Please review! **___


	3. A lesser man

**A/N: I am so sorry I haven't updated in ages. And it's not even that I've been that busy. I suppose you could say I lost my inspiration for this story for a while. Anybody know what I mean? Also, a little while ago I did write a chapter 3 but then my program crashed and I hadn't saved so I lost the entire thing, then I was just pissed off so I reaaallly didn't wanna try to write again for a long time haha. BUT here I am now, and hope you enjoy. **

Breakthrough

Ch. 3 – A Lesser Man

Mark Sloan paced around his living room at 4:00 in the morning, having been unable to sleep all night. He'd slipped out of the hospital shortly after Derek fell asleep, unable to stand being near him any longer. He felt bad for leaving without saying goodbye, but he just couldn't face Derek right now. Something was wrong with him and he needed to get his shit together.

_I'm just all messed up from the trauma of the shooting..._ he tried to convince himself. But he wasn't so sure that was true. His gut was wondering if perhaps the trauma was actually making him see things clearly for the first time...

He sat down on the couch and leaned forward, resting his face in his hands. He tried to clear his thoughts, but failed; a particular memory insisted upon replaying itself in his head and he couldn't abate it any longer.

_The two men were standing in the elevator at Seattle Grace, Derek in front, texting, and Mark behind him leaning against the wall. Mark had something to say, but wasn't sure how to bring it up. He put on his best bravado and began speaking without thinking too much about his word choice._

"_I don't like her. I'm sorry, but as your friend it's my job to say it; I don't like Rose," Mark said._

"_Why?" Derek asked bored, without even looking up. _

"_You're not even sleeping with her!" Mark replied. Derek turned around with a sarcastic look._

"_You don't like her because... she's not sleeping with me? That's a little weird," he said as he turned back to his phone. _

"_It's not weird," Mark said defensively. _

"_It's a little weird," Derek insisted, rolling his eyes. _

"_Hey! If you were sleeping with Rose I could understand why you're spending time with her, but you're not," Mark explained. "And it's... it's just... I, I thought that uh..." he leaned in and lowered his voice, "I thought it was just gonna be... you and me!"_

_Derek turned around to look at his friend with furrowed brows._

"_...having sex?" he said incredulously._

"_AFTER!" Mark retorted, but gave no other denial. "After Addison, after Meredith. I have been patient. I have waited while you've partnered up with these chicks, but now they're over. And it's supposed to be... just us! You and me! Two guys on the prowl, on the hunt!"_

"_You're having trouble getting laid, and you need my help!" Derek replied while shaking his head, as though everything made perfect sense. His smile was devious and pissed Mark off. _

"_I can get laid," he said with veracity. _

"_Mhmm," Derek mumbled mockingly. _

"_I can get laid whenever I want," Mark added._

"_Uh huh," Derek teased._

"_I DO get laid whenever I want!" Mark qualified, while Derek continued to nod his head, scoffing._

"_Uh huh!" Derek repeated, rolling his eyes to the ceiling._

"_That's the point! Women are everywhere," Mark said as turned away from his friend. "I only have one person I can talk to," he added under his breath. Derek turned and looked at Mark with a patronizing air and said,_

"_That's sweet."_

"_Shut up!"Mark spat._

"_No it's really warm and fuzzy, very sweet," Derek said with his devious grin. _

"_SHUT UP!" Mark replied, then leaned in close, "Are you serious about this woman?" _

_Derek sighed and looked around the elevator. "I dunno... could be," he said with a nod, then continued looking around aimlessly. Mark stared at him for a moment longer, then drew a sharp breath and turned away from Derek as the elevator dinged._

"_Alright," he said, nodding along with Derek, "I'll give her a chance." Derek gave a final nod and said "Good boy," as he stepped off the elevator. He turned around and faced Mark as the elevator doors began to close between them. _

"_You're pathetic and I'm a lesser man for knowing you," Mark said with a triumphant grin. _

"_That's my line! Can't use my line," Derek said with a broad smile, and walked away as the doors closed on a somber looking Mark. _

Mark opened his eyes and exhaled loudly. He ran his fingers through his hair and stood up, walking towards the kitchen. He pulled out a glass and filled it with water, but only took a small sip before setting it on the counter. He leaned against the opposite counter and folded his arms, staring at the glass as if it should contain an explanation to his troubled thoughts. _You never actually _denied_ his joke about the two of you having sex... _his thoughts teased him. He scoffed at himself, his face contorted in a look of utter disebelief. _Sex? ME. Me, and Derek, having SEX? We're both dudes! How are two dudes supposed to have sex anyway? I can't even think about it!_ He yelled back at his thoughts. But he wasn't that naïve, and he knew it. He'd never been a "homophobe", always kept an open-mind, and had known many wonderful gay people in his life, so he knew trying to play off his thoughts of another man as utterly ludicrous wasn't going to cut it.

"But it's not even about sex," he said out loud quietly, while still staring into the glass.

"I just..." he began, then finished his thought in his head; _I feel a... a bond, a connection... I mean, I always have, we've been like brothers our whole lives... but something's different now..._

Just then his cell phone beeped from the bedroom. He looked at clock; 4:24 am. _Who the fuck is texting me this late?_ He thought as he headed towards his room. He walked in and picked up his phone off the bedside table, and flipped it open. The screen read:

1 NEW MESSAGE:

DEREK

Mark's pulse sped. He stared at his phone with both confusion and curiosity, then looked all around the room as if expecting to find an answer on the walls. _Just read it, you pansy,_ his subconscious taunted him. He exhaled sharply and pressed "open". The message was short and Mark didn't know what to make of it:

You still up?


	4. Anticipation, my friend

Breakthrough

Ch. 4 – Anticipation, my friend

Derek Shepherd was propped up on one arm in the dark on his hospital bed. He was holding his cell phone, and every few seconds he flipped it open to make sure he really didn't have any new messages. He sighed and leaned back down on the bed, rubbing his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his free hand. _What are you doing?_ He wondered to himself. Finally his phone beeped, and he flipped it open. The text from Mark read:

Yes, unfortunately. What are you doing up? You should be resting.

_That's a good question, _Derek thought to himself. His chest ached from the surgery, and he touched it tenderly. He pushed the button to call the nurse, and one entered the room more swiftly than he'd expected.

"Yes, Chief Shepherd? How're you feeling?" the young nurse asked brightly.

"Aah, that's the problem, I'm feeling it," Derek said with a tired laugh. The nurse smiled back and stepped over to his I.V.

"There you go," she said as she increased his pain killers. "You should be able to fall back asleep soon," she added. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No no, that's great, thank you," Derek said, smiling back faintly. She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. The room was dark except for the lights on some of the medical machinery. Derek finally opened his phone again and slowly began typing a reply:

I woke up when my pain killers wore off. Nurse just gave me some more.

After the message sent, he was left staring at the background on his cell phone; a picture of Meredith. He smiled. It was his favorite picture of her. But his smile fell as he realized he hadn't even thought to call her when he woke up. _Instead you texted Mark,_ his thoughts reminded him. In defiance of this, he immediately dialed Meredith's number. Typical of Meredith, the phone only had to ring a couple of times before she picked up, even though it was almost 5:00 am.

"Derek! Oh my god, are you ok?" came her light voice over the line.

"Yes, I'm fine," he said with a smile. "How are you?"

"Worried sick about you, but otherwise, living," Meredith replied somewhat sarcastically. Just then Derek heard the beep of a new text message in his ear. He ignored it for the moment.

"Well I just had the nurse give me some more pain killers, so I'll probably go back to sleep soon. But I just wanted to make sure you're ok. And tell you that I love you," he added, as if proving it to himself.

"I love you too, Derek," Meredith said sweetly.

"Will you be here when I wake up in the morning?" Derek asked.

"Of course," she replied, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"Alright. I love you. Goodnight," he said.

"I love you too. Goodnight," she replied, and they both hung up. Derek stared at his closed phone for a few moments, knowing there was still an unread text. He swallowed a few times then read it:

So... any particular reason you texted me? Need me to bring you something?

Derek felt stupid for having said anything at all, and now he really had no response. He decided that he'd play it off as drug-induced-texting in the morning.

No... I'm fine. Sleepy. See you tomorrow?

The reply from Mark came quickly.

You bet. Goodnight, Derek.

Derek shut his phone and went to put it away, but decided upon one last message. As he started feeling more and more hazy, he typed out:

You're pathetic and I'm a lesser man for knowing you.

Then he set the phone back down on the table next to his hospital bed, rolled over and shut his eyes with a grin firmly in place.

Mark laughed out loudly as he read the final text from his friend, then took his jacket and shoes back off. He'd quickly gotten ready to leave, just in case Derek did want him to come by. But no matter, he'd see him tomorrow. He took a large gulp from his glass of water, then dumped out the rest and set the glass in the sink. He went back to his room, pulling off his shirt and pants. Mark slipped under the covers of his bed and shut his eyes, figuring he'd try to sleep at least a couple hours. Another memory dredged it's way to the surface of his consciousness and he watched it in his mind as he slowly became drowsy.

_Derek Shepherd and his girlfriend Rose came walking into the hospital as Mark Sloan was at the nurse's station, reading a patient's chart. Derek waved goodbye to Rose as she continued on down the hallway, then leaned up against the counter next to Mark, grabbing another chart. _

"_What do you see in her?" Mark asked in disbelief. "Is it the hot sex? Is she an animal? Is she a...bobcat?"_

"_Mark," Derek reprimanded. _

"_Come on! Lady in the streets, tramp in the sheets, am I right?" Mark continued playfully._

"_Oooh yeah, she's amazing," Derek replied sarcastically. "Hot. Sweaty. Very dirty, hot, sweaty, sex," he said in a bored voice while flipping pages in the chart. _

_Mark tossed him a puzzled look. _

"_You haven't slept with her yet, have you?" he asked Derek suspiciously. _

"_She's waiting til we're serious," Derek responded immediately. Mark laughed to himself. _

"_She has morals, she's a lady," Derek added defensively. "Besides, you know what's better than sex?"_

"_Hmm, what?" Mark asked skeptically._

"_Anticipation," Derek answered, picking up the chart. He leaned in closer to Mark. "Anticipation, my friend," he said with a grin, then walked away. _

A/N: I can't believe I'm updating again already, hopefully I can keep it up! Thanks for the reviews :)


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